1. Not many people have more friend of their opposite gender, but I am an exception. Nearly 90% of my friends are guys. Most of my friends live in Virginia, but we chill sometimes over Facebook, Skype, Oovoo, and Facetime. Some of my friends are from Poland, Germany, Lithuania, Georgia, Vietnam, Russia, China, Japan, India, Italy, and from Lichtenstein, the smallest (official) country in the world.... I think..
2. Last year, when I was in Virginia, I was hanging out with my friends, watching a scary movie when suddenly the TV turned off. We all screamed like little girls when the ground started shaking. It was really sort of scary because vases were rattling and that sort of stuff. Afterwards my friends and I laughed it off.
3. When I was in elementary school, I was second chair flute for all-district band. When I went to middle school, I joined the symphonic band and auditioned for the all-county band. Surprisingly, I got accepted, along with Paul Dell (Flute) Anthony Panetta (Tuba) and Krystof Petras (Trombone). For the concert, I remember playing a piece called "The Lords of Greenwich" where I got to play a piccolo.
3. When I was in elementary school, I was second chair flute for all-district band. When I went to middle school, I joined the symphonic band and auditioned for the all-county band. Surprisingly, I got accepted, along with Paul Dell (Flute) Anthony Panetta (Tuba) and Krystof Petras (Trombone). For the concert, I remember playing a piece called "The Lords of Greenwich" where I got to play a piccolo.
Hi, I'm Sintae your writing TA.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to have lived in the States for a long time, I guess.
It is difficult to say which one is a lie, but I think it might be number 2. The story kind of looks like a movie.
To comment on the writing, I think your grammer is solid, and if you can try to write a 5 paragraph essay with introduction, 3 bodies, and conclusion, it would be much better.
Also the last paragraph seem to be less organized. A good paragraph has one topic sentence and several supporting sentence that is related to the topic sentence. However your third paragraph lacks topic sentence. Readers can see that you are taking about your musical activies, but is hard to get what you are trying the say. Maybe you can have a topic sentence at the beginning such as "I am interested in music and in fact talented in it, too."
Overall good writing. Keep up the good work!
Sorry, but the lie is the third one. I have experienced an earthquake and the scenario was quite like a movie, no doubt. Thanks for the feedback, and I will try to work on that.
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